hi, my name is slim shadey (xmindthegapx) wrote in askamarauder,
hi, my name is slim shadey

Stolen From The Desk of Murderous Tea...

Okay, guys. Usually we'll update on Wednesdays, but today is Halloween! The most wonderful time of the year! It's like, my heathen Christmas.

Ask A Marauder
Our Second Interview

This reporter conducted the following interview in a field a little ways outside the town of Winchester. This site has been rumored to have a great deal of supernatural activity, for which there are currently two American men hovering about with EMF detectors. It is rather unsettling.

MT: Hello again! As promised, I have returned with questions from your adoring fans.

Again with these fans!

Remus: Peter means hello.

Peter: Yes. Hello.

MT: Okay, so shall we dive right into it, or do you have any questions first?

Sirius: Why are we in the middle of a field?

MT: Right-o! First question. What your first prank pulled?

James: Oh, Gods. I remember this like it was yesterday. It was a few weeks after school had started... and I had just started to know Sirius and Peter...

Sirius: Remus was antisocial back then.

Peter: Yeah, really antisocial. He used to sit in a corner and read books. And it wasn’t even a variety of books. It was just the same book, day after day–

Sirius: We thought he was serial killer or something of the like.

Remus: In my defense, it was a really long book!

James: I think I threw something at him while he was reading and he looked up and glared at me like he was going to kill me or something. It was really scary.

Remus: But I was reading!

Sirius: How do you choose your victims, Moony? Do you pick people with the same names as characters in your book?

Remus: Well, their names all ended in “-ovsky” so I don’t think–

James: AHA! Committed all your murders in Durmstrang, did you?

Sirius: And now you’re here, at our school, waiting for a poor Russian child to kill!

Peter: How could you, Remus? We trusted you!

James: We treated you like a brother!

Sirius: More than a brother!

James: More than his brother, anyway.

This reporter notes that Messr. Lupin stares at the others in pure disbelief, opening and closing his mouth a few times, but saying nothing.

MT: So... the question?

James: Slytherins. Dungbombs. The end.

Sirius: We had no imagination in those days. We were mindless...

James: ...immature...

Sirius: ...short.

Remus: What’s changed?

Peter: We’re taller, for one thing.

MT: Next question. What is your favorite movie?

James: Well, since we function as a unit...

MT: This question is for all of you. 

James:  Muggle movie?

MT:  Yes, I suppose.

James: I haven't seen very many, but I do love that film by Charlie Chaplin, Monsieur Verdoux.

Remus: I’m surprised, James. Didn’t know you had that much depth in you.

James: Oh, yeah. It really speaks to me.

Peter: Bigamy and murder speaks to you?

Remus: No more murder talk, please.

MT: How about you, Messr. Lupin?

Remus: Vittorio de Sica’s The Bicycle Thief.

MT: It seems we have a group of revolutionaries here!

Sirius: Yes, well, flag burning is a much treasured pastime.

MT: And your favorite movie is...?

Sirius: Seven Samurai.

Peter: The Wicker Man.

Sirius: Oh, come now, Pete. We were being pseudo-intellectual here. Don’t go and ruin it.

Peter: I really liked La Régle Du Jeu...

James: Good man, Pete.

MT: Okay. The next question asks, “If you were alone on some island, what one thing would you most like to have with you and why?”

Remus: Er... my wand?

Peter: I think that’s cheating.

Remus: How is that cheating?

Peter: It’s like saying that you’d bring a broom. If you had a wand, you could very well get yourself off the island, thus defeating the purpose of the entire question.

Sirius: He’s got you, mate.

Remus: Then I’d bring–

James: A BOOK!

Sirius: Again with the books! Think of the poor Russian children, Moony. Think of the children. Will your bloody rampage end at nothing? Will you never stop until every single Russian child is at your cold, heartless, cruel, sadistic, inhumane mercy?

Remus: You people have utterly ruined Tolstoy for me.

James: Teaches you what happens to people who read books. For shame, Moony. For shame. Me, I’d bring–

Sirius: EVANS.

James: Well, damn. That’s no fun.

Peter: I’d bring a polar bear.

Remus: A polar bear?

Peter: Well, sure. What island isn’t complete without a polar bear? It’d help me pass the time plenty.

Sirius: That sounds fun. Only I think I’d want a ghost on the island with me. Or Remus.

This reporter notes a furtive glance exchanged between Messrs. Lupin and Black.

James: Why not me?

Sirius: You’ll have Evans.

Peter: Why not me?

Sirius: You’ll have the polar bear.

This reporter is disgusted by this comment.

MT: Moving on! Next question is for you, Messr. Lupin.  This fan wants to know if you are taking or have ever taken swing or ballroom dancing lessons.


This reporter notes that Messr. Lupin lets out a laugh.

Remus: I have two left feet.

Sirius: What a waste of a perfectly good question.

MT: Why?

Sirius: If it were directed at me, then I’d give a better answer. I have taken ballroom.

This reporter notes that Messrs. Lupin, Potter, and Pettigrew gasp traumatically.

Sirius: I dance the flamenco.

Peter: You... do?

James: Since when?

Sirius: Well, I did. When I was younger.

James: Really? That’s... just...

Peter: Adorable!

Remus: Did you have a dancer’s outfit, Sirius?

James: Did you shake your wee hips, Sirius?

Peter: Did you dance the night away, Sirius?

Sirius: No, yes, and no. I was thirteen, and I used to sneak out of the house.

Peter: Show us, Sirius!

James: Shake your wee hips, Sirius!

Remus: I have to say, I’m curious as well.

This reporter notes that Messr. Black glares pointedly at Messrs. Potter, Pettigrew, and Lupin.

Sirius: I will not.  Besides, I didn’t go for long. Dearest Walburga found out about it.

Peter: Ouch.

Sirius: Couldn’t have put it better.

MT: Moving on. If you were to learn a foreign language, what would it be and why?

Remus: I’d learn Russian.

Peter: So you can prey on more defenseless children?

James: He’s going to become a professor at Hogwarts and then prey on defenseless Russian children.

Remus: If I wanted to prey on defenseless Russian children, why would I teach at Hogwarts?

James: I don’t know, Remus. Why would you teach at Hogwarts?

Remus: This conversation has completely broken down in logic.

MT: You’ve noticed. How about the rest of you?

James: I’m fine with English as it is, thank you.

MT: But if you absolutely had to?

James: Latin... because there’s no one to correct your pronounciation.

Peter: I’d learn German because it always sounds like you’re angry at something. It has no sense or meaning to it. “Passion” in English is, well, “passion,” and in French it’s “passion,” and in Spanish it’s “pasion.” And then when you get to German, it’s “leidenschaftlich” or something.

Sirius: Je veux apprendre anglais. Il est un langue complexe. Je ne le comprends pas.

MT: I’m sure.

Sirius: You still haven’t told us why we’re in the middle of a field.

MT: Right, so next week then?

Sirius: Are we still meeting in the middle of a field?

MT: And I would take this opportunity to remind our audience to keep sending in questions so the Marauders can answer them! Thank you!

ETA:  Yeah, so I pretty much fail at life.  *headdesk*

Tell me if I need to make next week different or something but really?  We need more questions.  And you can even ask for advice!  Just... anything interesting.  Some of you are writers.  Show me some love, here.
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