hi, my name is slim shadey (xmindthegapx) wrote in askamarauder,
hi, my name is slim shadey
xmindthegapx
askamarauder

Stolen From The Desk of Murderous Tea...

Okay, guys. Usually we'll update on Wednesdays, but today is Halloween! The most wonderful time of the year! It's like, my heathen Christmas.

Ask A Marauder
Our Second Interview


This reporter conducted the following interview in a field a little ways outside the town of Winchester. This site has been rumored to have a great deal of supernatural activity, for which there are currently two American men hovering about with EMF detectors. It is rather unsettling.

MT: Hello again! As promised, I have returned with questions from your adoring fans.

Peter:
Again with these fans!

Remus: Peter means hello.

Peter: Yes. Hello.

MT: Okay, so shall we dive right into it, or do you have any questions first?

Sirius: Why are we in the middle of a field?

MT: Right-o! First question. What your first prank pulled?

James: Oh, Gods. I remember this like it was yesterday. It was a few weeks after school had started... and I had just started to know Sirius and Peter...

Sirius: Remus was antisocial back then.

Peter: Yeah, really antisocial. He used to sit in a corner and read books. And it wasn’t even a variety of books. It was just the same book, day after day–

Sirius: We thought he was serial killer or something of the like.

Remus: In my defense, it was a really long book!

James: I think I threw something at him while he was reading and he looked up and glared at me like he was going to kill me or something. It was really scary.

Remus: But I was reading!

Sirius: How do you choose your victims, Moony? Do you pick people with the same names as characters in your book?

Remus: Well, their names all ended in “-ovsky” so I don’t think–

James: AHA! Committed all your murders in Durmstrang, did you?

Sirius: And now you’re here, at our school, waiting for a poor Russian child to kill!

Peter: How could you, Remus? We trusted you!

James: We treated you like a brother!

Sirius: More than a brother!

James: More than his brother, anyway.

This reporter notes that Messr. Lupin stares at the others in pure disbelief, opening and closing his mouth a few times, but saying nothing.

MT: So... the question?

James: Slytherins. Dungbombs. The end.

Sirius: We had no imagination in those days. We were mindless...

James: ...immature...

Sirius: ...short.

Remus: What’s changed?

Peter: We’re taller, for one thing.

MT: Next question. What is your favorite movie?

James: Well, since we function as a unit...

MT: This question is for all of you. 

James:  Muggle movie?

MT:  Yes, I suppose.

James: I haven't seen very many, but I do love that film by Charlie Chaplin, Monsieur Verdoux.

Remus: I’m surprised, James. Didn’t know you had that much depth in you.

James: Oh, yeah. It really speaks to me.

Peter: Bigamy and murder speaks to you?

Remus: No more murder talk, please.

MT: How about you, Messr. Lupin?

Remus: Vittorio de Sica’s The Bicycle Thief.

MT: It seems we have a group of revolutionaries here!

Sirius: Yes, well, flag burning is a much treasured pastime.

MT: And your favorite movie is...?

Sirius: Seven Samurai.

Peter: The Wicker Man.

Sirius: Oh, come now, Pete. We were being pseudo-intellectual here. Don’t go and ruin it.

Peter: I really liked La Régle Du Jeu...

James: Good man, Pete.

MT: Okay. The next question asks, “If you were alone on some island, what one thing would you most like to have with you and why?”

Remus: Er... my wand?

Peter: I think that’s cheating.

Remus: How is that cheating?

Peter: It’s like saying that you’d bring a broom. If you had a wand, you could very well get yourself off the island, thus defeating the purpose of the entire question.

Sirius: He’s got you, mate.

Remus: Then I’d bring–

James: A BOOK!

Sirius: Again with the books! Think of the poor Russian children, Moony. Think of the children. Will your bloody rampage end at nothing? Will you never stop until every single Russian child is at your cold, heartless, cruel, sadistic, inhumane mercy?

Remus: You people have utterly ruined Tolstoy for me.

James: Teaches you what happens to people who read books. For shame, Moony. For shame. Me, I’d bring–

Sirius: EVANS.

James: Well, damn. That’s no fun.

Peter: I’d bring a polar bear.

Remus: A polar bear?

Peter: Well, sure. What island isn’t complete without a polar bear? It’d help me pass the time plenty.

Sirius: That sounds fun. Only I think I’d want a ghost on the island with me. Or Remus.

This reporter notes a furtive glance exchanged between Messrs. Lupin and Black.

James: Why not me?

Sirius: You’ll have Evans.

Peter: Why not me?

Sirius: You’ll have the polar bear.

This reporter is disgusted by this comment.

MT: Moving on! Next question is for you, Messr. Lupin.  This fan wants to know if you are taking or have ever taken swing or ballroom dancing lessons.

Remus:
Me?

This reporter notes that Messr. Lupin lets out a laugh.

Remus: I have two left feet.

Sirius: What a waste of a perfectly good question.

MT: Why?

Sirius: If it were directed at me, then I’d give a better answer. I have taken ballroom.

This reporter notes that Messrs. Lupin, Potter, and Pettigrew gasp traumatically.

Sirius: I dance the flamenco.

Peter: You... do?

James: Since when?

Sirius: Well, I did. When I was younger.

James: Really? That’s... just...

Peter: Adorable!

Remus: Did you have a dancer’s outfit, Sirius?

James: Did you shake your wee hips, Sirius?

Peter: Did you dance the night away, Sirius?

Sirius: No, yes, and no. I was thirteen, and I used to sneak out of the house.

Peter: Show us, Sirius!

James: Shake your wee hips, Sirius!

Remus: I have to say, I’m curious as well.

This reporter notes that Messr. Black glares pointedly at Messrs. Potter, Pettigrew, and Lupin.

Sirius: I will not.  Besides, I didn’t go for long. Dearest Walburga found out about it.

Peter: Ouch.

Sirius: Couldn’t have put it better.

MT: Moving on. If you were to learn a foreign language, what would it be and why?

Remus: I’d learn Russian.

Peter: So you can prey on more defenseless children?

James: He’s going to become a professor at Hogwarts and then prey on defenseless Russian children.

Remus: If I wanted to prey on defenseless Russian children, why would I teach at Hogwarts?

James: I don’t know, Remus. Why would you teach at Hogwarts?

Remus: This conversation has completely broken down in logic.

MT: You’ve noticed. How about the rest of you?

James: I’m fine with English as it is, thank you.

MT: But if you absolutely had to?

James: Latin... because there’s no one to correct your pronounciation.

Peter: I’d learn German because it always sounds like you’re angry at something. It has no sense or meaning to it. “Passion” in English is, well, “passion,” and in French it’s “passion,” and in Spanish it’s “pasion.” And then when you get to German, it’s “leidenschaftlich” or something.

Sirius: Je veux apprendre anglais. Il est un langue complexe. Je ne le comprends pas.

MT: I’m sure.

Sirius: You still haven’t told us why we’re in the middle of a field.

MT: Right, so next week then?

Sirius: Are we still meeting in the middle of a field?

MT: And I would take this opportunity to remind our audience to keep sending in questions so the Marauders can answer them! Thank you!



ETA:  Yeah, so I pretty much fail at life.  *headdesk*

Tell me if I need to make next week different or something but really?  We need more questions.  And you can even ask for advice!  Just... anything interesting.  Some of you are writers.  Show me some love, here.
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic
  • 31 comments
wtf, the middle of a field...

This was lovely. I love Peter's response to the island question!
You win for 2 specifc reasons:

1. Slytherins. Dungbombs. The end.

2. I’d bring a polar bear.
AHAHAHA. This kills me in the best ways possible.

Poor Remus and his Tolstoy. *giggles* And a polar bear on an island! WAS THAT A LOST REFERENCE? YOU WIN. Peter/Polar Bear though. Oh dear.

In fact, I really quite adore your Peter. This?

Peter: I’d learn German because it always sounds like you’re angry at something. It has no sense or meaning to it. “Passion” in English is, well, “passion,” and in French it’s “passion,” and in Spanish it’s “pasion.” And then when you get to German, it’s “leidenschaftlich” or something.

*dies laughing*

I will ask questions soon - when work load eases up a bit and I can think of something mildly intelligent.
Hm... I love my Peter too. Which makes it stupid that I really really really hate canon!Peter. And I don't even like Shoebox!Peter. Now if only I could fix my Remus. He's better though, right? RIGHT???

YESSSS RANDOM LOST REFERENCE.

carmine_ink

10 years ago

This reporter conducted the following interview in a field a little ways outside the town of Winchester. This site has been rumored to have a great deal of supernatural activity, for which there are currently two American men hovering about with EMF detectors. It is rather unsettling.

Cue me, snorting with obnoxiously loud laughter. :DDDDDDDDDDD
EFUKBSAFUGSDFJGDSFDSJGFBSDHF AND POLAR BEAR ON AN ISLAND!!!!!!!!

OMG YOU FTW.
EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKING!
That is about the polar bears, and the winning.
You most definately do NOT fail at life, this was brillant as always!

I LOVELOVELOVE that Sirius would bring Remus to an island. *loves you for that*

*goes to ask questions*
I’d learn German because it always sounds like you’re angry at something. It has no sense or meaning to it. “Passion” in English is, well, “passion,” and in French it’s “passion,” and in Spanish it’s “pasion.” And then when you get to German, it’s “leidenschaftlich” or something.

Oh my God, I have never loved Peter as much as just then. You've killed me dead with laughter.

Bonus points for Halloween being a heathen Christmas, too.
I think i just fell in love with your icon.

hype45

10 years ago

I love your Peter. He is my favorite Peter EVER WRITTEN. You win at life. Polar bear? leidenshaftlich? You are my hero.
LOOK AT SIRIUS BEING SO AWESOME. Flamenco dancing! Who knew!

(That was my question by the way. Heh.)

I love Remus and his plot to murder defenseless Russian children. *hugs* You are amazing.
LOVE LOVE LOVE.

I wonder why Sirius would bring Remus with him... =P

You WIN. This is fantastic.

(And I will be asking questions, I swear! I just need to organize my thoughts and not start asking things inane things like, "How do you take your tea?" which I just might ask.)
The only reason I read Anna Karenina was because Sirius liked depressing Russian novels in Stealing Harry. o.O
and AOWUDWOAIWPOIqqwoiduiuw. SHAKE YOUR WEE HIPS! That was a thing of beauty. I have to thank you for that.
This is made of win. I shall commence to watching this thing.
Sirius: Again with the books! Think of the poor Russian children, Moony. Think of the children. Will your bloody rampage end at nothing? Will you never stop until every single Russian child is at your cold, heartless, cruel, sadistic, inhumane mercy?

Remus: You people have utterly ruined Tolstoy for me.


That is the most winningest win ever. I love you!
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
And that is all I have to say... but I'll say it again!
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Sirius: You’ll have the polar bear.

This reporter is disgusted by this comment.


Reporter FTW! XD Seriously, you do not fail at life in the slightest. Absolutely hilarious stuff and, between the German comment and The Wicker Man, your Peter is absolutely hilarious. *snerks*

Poor Remus, dear homicidal boy that he apparently is. *g*
Question: Who had the first moustache? What are your feelings about cardigans (for everyone, please, not just Remus)?

It's actually just "Leidenschaft". Leidenschaftlich is the adjective form. :) But that totally cracked me up!

xmindthegapx

10 years ago

Oh, Winchesters. Winchesters, Winchesters, Winchesters.

I loves me some Supernatural, which I'm pretty certain you're alluding to. XD

Anyway! You win. At life. And so does Puppet!Angel.

"And then when you get to German, it’s “leidenschaftlich” or something." = So true. XD
I love this. so funny...
and German is totally like that! Our choir had to sing a German song once, and we kept spitting on each other. (by accident, lol.)

And Sirius taking Remus to the island...That is <3.
AREHINBISLRTJNBJNKJNTHKJ THAT KILLED ME! I HAVE A QUESTION!!!!!!!
wHAT IS THEIR FAVORITE BOOK (MUGGLE OR OTHERWISE) AND WHY?
Cute! I am a fan! Your icons were linked at cult_sbp and now you have a new fan.

In my newfound fan-solidarity, I shall leave a question. My question shall be about... cats. My question is for all the boys. How do you feel about cats?
Oh, And bonyus points for all Lost and Supernatural references, of course.

xmindthegapx

10 years ago

This just rocks, nuff said. XD ^__^
MY WRITERS BRAIN IS COLLAPSING UNDER THE STRAIN OF NANOWRIMO.

But, here's one question:

Reporter: As to the extent of my knowledge, you all share a dorm room, correct? wait for nods. Has there ever been any...incidences?

There you have it :D